…as for myself

Some bright Frenchman – can’t remember
  which of the top wigs it was –
  once said that half the ills of the world
  (or maybe it was all of the ills of the world)
  came from man’s inability
                             to sit
                             in a room
  or something like that  – and it’s really a curious thing
  you spend the first nine months of your life blissed out
  in a fairly close facsimile of solitude – unless
  of course, you’re a twin – and then what happens

  and I can hear it from here  – all the ohs and oohs
  all the moms are going no, no he’s not alone
  he (or she) knows I’m his mom

  and I call this projection

  all his needs are met, yes, but a placenta is not
  companionship – or people would choose
  to sit home saturday nights with a stove pipe

  so what happened – who told you
  you shouldn’t or can’t be happy alone ?
  in fact I take issue with those who say
  solitude is never chosen
  well-meaning types like Jodi Picoult
  who plainly feel for the human race
  and think everybody alone
                            is lonely
                            not solitary
                            by choice
  disappointed in their fellow man
  but she’s probably just doing what all those moms
  were doing – projecting her feelings – judge Picoult
  has tried humanity and found it guilty

  well to you, Ms Picoult, I say solitude is being alone
  loneliness is feeling bad about it
  and I assure you, Jodi lass, yours truly is not lonely

  and do me a favor, would you please
  try not to speak for all of any category –
  at least where human beings are concerned

  if I were to say I’m lonely
                           that would mean what ?
                           that something is wrong
                           that something is missing…
  Jo, dear heart, nothing is “missing”

  My hair is more salt than pepper and ladies
  chat me up all the time – in the post office
  the discount grocery store, wherever –
                           telling me I should dye it
                           that I have a great complexion
                           so I’d be a great blonde
  and when I ask just exactly why
                           would I want to be a blonde
  they say, almost invariably
  because you would look so much younger
  and exactly why would I want to look younger ?
                          so I would have more dates

  best argument yet for not wasting
  my hard-earned savings at the hairdresser

  the last thing I want is a date – unless it’s pitted

  because what happens after a few dates is that
                          sooner or later you wind up
                          with some guy’s smelly socks
                          in your laundry basket
  nope. I am by myself
                         because I like being by myself
                         I cherish being by myself
  although not really ALONE
  (the mere word strikes terror, right?)
                         because I do have a dog
  she keeps me on a regular exercise program
                         does not complain about my cooking
                         and – no dirty socks

  listen, Picoult, old bird,
  there are cultures I cannot function in
  (around the mediterranean basin, shall we say)
                          because people
                          will not LET you
                          just be alone.

  they simply won’t allow it

                          no one can just BE
  and it’s really horrible when you’re sick
                          and you wish everybody
                          would just GO AWAY
                          and leave you in peace
  with your runny nose or whatever

  sure I’ve been lonely – why should I lie

  there was a day in 1997
                           that I felt
                           gee wouldn’t it be nice…

                           but I got over it




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